A View From The Bridge

Notes from an Antiquated Queen

By Mary Khon

Hello my dahlings! Happy Pride to all and each of you, my queridos! How is it hanging? And yes, I mean how IT is hanging. For some, it is always to the right; for others it is always to the left, and for many it just right in the middle. So, how is IT hanging, dhalings? Inquiring minds want to know. But enough about poignant directions, my dirty minders! It is time to talk about nuestro orgullo joto!!!!

This pride month I don’t want to get political but most of the time I cannot help it. There are so many injustices in this world that I wonder how we are able to survive it all. But enough about my sexcapades, let’s talk about two things that I am very unhappy about: Fat shaming and femme shaming within our joto community.

What is it with people putting other people down because “they are not skinny” or behave in a masculine manner? What the hell is wrong with these assholes? I recently saw someone wearing a t-shirt that said, “No Fats No Femmes.” I mean, are you fucking kidding me? I do not understand this very idiotic and stupid mentality.
As gay men, we have been fighting to be accepted by society. We have fight for “equal” not “special” but “equal rights.” Throughout the years we have been able to gain some ground on the equality spectrum. Heck, now we even have the privilege of getting married to the man of our dreams and the luxury to divorce his cheating ass. Yet, when it comes to be equal within our own community, we continue to be the most discriminatory and unforgiving group of humans.

Why is it that some gay men feel it is okay to fat shame those who are not to “whatever stupid and idiotic” standard has been set but some asshole who has been privileged from the day he/she was born? The body comes in so many different shapes and sizes that it is incredibly moronic to expect everyone to be tall and skinny. Yet the worse thing is to see our own joto sisters and brothers fat shaming others because they don’t fit the expected body standard.

When I was young, I was skinny. As a teenager I look like a celery stick, then I gain some muscles and some weight and I seem to be the perfect match for many sexual partners… As I grew, I received an education and as I got older, I also got wiser. At some point, working out all the time to have the expected perfect body became a thing of the past. The older I became, the more weight I gained. And while I am not an obese person, I see how other gay men look at me when I am at public places. I’ve seen them talk about me, and I even have heard them comment on the way I look.

I know I am not young anymore and also I’m not fit as I used to be. But I tell you what I am. I am confident, intelligent, wiser, a professional, and a very, very happy individual. But there are many gay men out there who don’t have the luck that I have and confidence isn’t their strongest suit. So when they are being rejected because of their body, it truly damages their soul. I’m not saying that I don’t get offended and hurt when someone refers to me as the “old fat short man.” I do. And you know why? Because they failed to see me in drag!!!

And here’s the other thing that is horrible. Shaming people for being effeminate. I understand the socio-political implications of the “feminine” side but enough is enough, fuckers! If a gay man is effeminate and speak with a lisp, and they express themselves to the fullest, more power to them. And if you shame them for it, it is only because you are an internal homophobe and you, jotita, have issues!

There is nothing wrong with being an effeminate gay man. Yet, many seem to believe that the more masculine you are the better…. That is a privilege not many gay man have and those who have it are lucky because when it comes to the cultural revolution between the straight world and the gay world, guess who are the targets of hate, discrimination, and ignorance? You got it, those gay men who are “obvious” in the world of the straight ignorant. And guess who are the ones who contribute the most to such ignorance, hate, and discrimination? In case you didn’t get it, let me tell you, dhaling, YOU, the one who prefers no femmes. And why is that? Because you’re reinforcing the ignorant!

So this pride month, be PROUD for who we are, not just for who you are, ‘cause that is shady, queerido. Very, vey shady!