My Friends and Neighbors
By Mary Khon
Life is full of surprises, isn’t it? “La vida te da sorpresas, sorpresas te da la vida,” says the song. One day you are here, the next you are gone. One day you are in cloud nine, the next you are scrapping food off the floor. One day you have a boyfriend, the next you are hugging a body pillow. One day you are happy, the next you are in shock because life’s too much.
This time around I figured that, instead of focusing on my rants, which no one seems to care about, I would concentrate on the lives of some of my friends. In other words, I feel like gossiping, which is very rare for me. As rare as Bianca del Rio’s make up.
My friends Tom Daley & Dustin Lance Black are having a baby. Didn’t they just get married? I mean, they got married back in May 2017 but still. On top of being cute, and perfect, and famous, now, they will have a baby. I hate them.
Speaking of cute, my neighbors Adam Rippon and Gus Kenworthy, both Winter Olympics Athletes refused to go the post Olympics White House celebration. I’m glad they decided to hang around for some beers instead of going to a place where a vice president believes in conversion therapy and a so-called president just signed a law to band transgender people from the military. And they wonder why Adam and Gus decided not to attend the White House party.
Speaking of parties, a few days back I went to a celebration hosted by my friend John Oliver. His children book, A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo, about a gay bunny fighting for equal rights deals with marriage equality. The book is a spoof and a response to another bunny book written by the Pence family titled, A Day in the Life of the Vice President. Oliver’s book has beaten the Pence’s book on sales. Take that, plastics!
Speaking of plastic, I was having a conversation with my friend Shangela, trying to understand why in the hell she would be eliminated from competition at the House of RuPaul. Of course we all know what happened but, oh, boy, the results of having Trixie Matel, also a friend, win didn’t go well with the world. Did they? This is a very tricky situation because honestly, when it comes down to it, those bitter queens who did not vote for my Shangela simply hate her success. Life isn’t fair, my dear and sometimes, the closest friends throw you under the bus. Keep your eyelashes in place and that mirror handy.
Speaking of mirrors, I’m sure you heard the news that my good old friend and fag hag Kathy Griffin is back in the comedy tour circuit. Poor girl! After the personal attack from the trompos her life was almost destroyed. But, my girl is resilient and now she is back and ready to take on the bully. I’m so happy for her, even though she did not give me any tickets for her Carnegie sold out show in New York City. I’m a little upset but wine has taken care of most of the pain.
Speaking of pain, I’m sure you heard the news that Roseanne Barr came back to TV with a reboot of her show Roseanne. If you didn’t, you should know that her alter ego character supports El Trompo and even voted for him. There is no surprise there since most of the world knows that Barr, as a person is a big supported of the toupee. The reboot’s first episode crashed the ratings and it is said the orange one even call her. You know, sometimes-good neighborhoods are ruing by hateful, stupid, ignorant neighbors. As the saying goes, “there is always one black sheep on every family.”
Speaking of black sheep, Laura Ingraham, another bad neighbor who we just have to put up with, is in hot water for making fun of Hogg, one of the Parkland shooting survivors. Now, some major corporations are pulling their adds from Laura’s shows. I really hope her career ends, mainly so she can move out of the neighborhood.
Okay, I could be going on and on about the stuff going on with my friends and neighbors but I should save some of the sweet and sorrow for another time, don’t you think? I mean, if I give you everything now, you will have nothing to look forward to. One inch at a time, queer ones. Am I right or am I right?
Speaking of being right, I am on a mission to find the perfect outfit for pride month. Así que nos vemos el próximo mes, queeridos Ta-ta my dhalings.