A VIEW FROM THE BRIDGE: Notes from an Antiquated Queen


Hooking Up!

By Mary Khon

Hello, my queeridos!

When was the last time you had sex? Yes, I know I’m being direct and very forward with my question, but really, did you expect any less from this queen?

Well, when was it? A few hours ago? Yesterday? Three days ago? A week ago? A month ago? A year ago? Whenever it happened, it most likely happened because you needed it. Sex is part of being human; it is part of our development, and it is part of being healthy.

Many of us have sex on a “regular basis,” while many of us do not have sex very often. For some people, having sex isn’t as exciting as say, reading a book or going on a hike. But for others, having sex is an incredible high that needs to occur as many times as possible.

But I want to go beyond the “having sex is a natural activity, good for you, and a sign of a healthy body” argument. Today I want to talk about how hooking up is, in fact, a good thing, because out there, in the world where we live, there are many, many people who believe hooking up with a guy is a bad thing.

Many years ago I belonged to a gay support group where many of the members were appalled that a particular member was having sex all the type. To others, this guy (let’s call him José) was a slut, a whore, and a person who had no principals, no morals, and no self-respect. But to me, on the other hand, José was everything I wanted to be, mainly because I saw his sexual escapades as a sign of freedom, liberation, empowerment, and happiness.

José was very forward and clear about all his doings. And while others in the group argued with him and dismissed his arguments, I thought about how strong and how clear José was about what he wanted, about what he desired, and about what he liked to do. Then the whole conversation turned into a “judgment call” about why José should or shouldn’t do, should or shouldn’t be and why.

Today, after all these years, I still keep in touch with some of the guys from that support group and many of them, who judged José in the past, have changed their view about him. After asking what made them change their mind, they said that it was mainly because, when we were young, we had a lot of hang-ups regarding morals and religion, and we also seem to be insecure about ourselves, our bodies, our sexuality, so seeing someone so open and so forward with his sexual practices, made everyone else question their beliefs about sexual activities, and their own inhibitions, insecurities, and suppressed desires. All od these makes sense to me.

I have always believed that if two adults consent to having a sexual encounter with each other, and they want to do all sorts of things to each other, who am I to judge? If a person wants to have sex three, four, six, seven or ten times a week, and every time is with a different person? Who am I to judge? Who or what gives me the right to interfere in his sexual escapades? What reasons do I have to tell him to stop? None. None whatsoever!

And this brings me to the point I want to make: you want to hook up every day? Do it! You want to have sex with one two three four or 10 guys at the same time? Do it! As long as you protect yourself and/or you are not harming anyone! DO IT! Don’t allow chismes, social constrains, and religious beliefs limit your desires and the opportunities to be a free sexual being. Many of us, restrain ourselves because of “el que dirán,” or for fear to be judged and/or accepted by others. Worse, we restrain ourselves because of what the church has decided is good and bad. But we shouldn’t pay attention to that. We shouldn’t be afraid to act upon our sexual desires, as long as it is safe and healthy.

So go ahead! Have sex every day or three times a week or as many times as you want; and have it with one, two, three, or as many different people as you want. And this people can be single cases or all at once. Hookup queeridos! Hook up, have fun, and hook up again. And once you hook up, tell me all about it, queerido! I’m always ready for a good, naughty sex story.