Is It Love?

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Dear María:

A few months ago I met this guy. We started dating and hanging out. Of course we have had sex a bunch of times. We work out together at the same gym, we go out to dinner a lot and we have bought each other little gifts.

He is pretty damn hot, great in bed, really generous and nicer than just about anybody I have ever met. He is a lot of fun and has no big issues, i.e. drugs, alcohol, weird shit. He has a great job and works really hard, makes good money. He is just about perfect in every way, but there is no stomach flipping or heart pounding when I see him.

So, am I in love?

Lover?

Dear Lover?

Of course you know you cannot ask someone else if you are in love or not. I am guessing the real question may be: what does love feel like? Again, not a question someone else can answer for you.

I absolutely do not believe that love is the same for everyone, nor do I believe that being in love is all fireworks and drama. Sometimes, we just find the perfect mate and cannot believe our good fortune.

Love may hit you like a bolt of lightening or love may creep in slowly, unnoticed.

I think butterflies are important for some people. My mother could not have loved my father without all the fireworks. I could not love my much adored partner if heart stopping were part of the package.

We attach words to true love, like comfortable and reliable, which are not as exciting or glamorous as fireworks. We feel as if we have missed something if we do not have a bit of heart pounding in our relationship. Comfortable and reliable equates to an old pair of shoes. Not sexy at all!

Yet, with time, we settle down a bit, we learn to fall into the rhythm of our love and soon we cannot imagine our lives without “him.” Would someone else have brought us fireworks and butterflies? Maybe, but when you have all that you have, are the fireworks necessary? That is my question to you.

Do not settle if you need this part of the romance. Do not run if fireworks are important in your fantasy only?

By the by, I dated a few really perfect men, but no fireworks, and I just could not be with them. I also dated big time fireworks and could not marry them. The fireworks became less of an indicator as a result.

Dear María:

My sister has been saying she is going to move to LA for about seven years. My partner and I have done everything we can to ensure she has her own room, but we now need to reconsider our situation and may have to move to a one bed-room. We both want her to come out, but she keeps changing her mind. This is her pattern before she decides on anything.

She is afraid of the CA economy and thinks the mid-west or Florida might be better. She is also afraid that as we do not talk on the phone a lot that she will get left out here all alone. I just am not a phone person. I talk to her more than anybody.

My partner and I have financial issues and I think she is afraid that she will have to pay our way. We have resolved these issues, so again, this does not seem like a valid excuse.

What do we do?

Sisterless

Dear Sisterless:

It appears to me that your big dream of having a close sister living near you is something you both dream of. It also appears that your sister does not trust you will be there for her. Is this valid? Is she looking for guarantees or have you let her down over the years?

The economies are more or less the same in the states you mention, so that does not appear to be valid. Has she paid your way in the past? Perhaps her fears are valid, or perhaps she lacks trust and faith in you.

Of one thing, I am certain, you are sisters and you can work everything out, but only if you are both open and honest. This may be painful, as expressing ones fears can seem a reflection of a person’s opinion of you, but keep in mind that you love one another and keep in mind your goals of being close whether in the same state or not.

If you would like to contact Maria, her email is ellobousa@yahoo.com

By Maria Etta Anabel

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