Letting Go

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Letting go and moving on can be one of the most healing and important steps a person can take. Whether you are moving on from a relationship, a job, or anything else that no longer serves, you must let go.

etta2Knowing that you need to let go is not rocket science. Leaving an abusive, cheating, lying partner is easily noted on your “to do” list. Why then is it so difficult to do? For many people moving on from a relationship that is no longer healthy can become one of their greatest challenges. I have a client who has been divorced and dating other men for over four years, yet he still searches the internet for signs of what and who his former mate is doing.

Unfinished business is the best answer to the question of why people do not move on. Finishing business with someone who will not even speak to you can be almost impossible if you feel that you need to confront the former mate. This is also true of unfinished business with parents who may have been in the grave for 20 years.

When the person is not available to discuss your pain, then discuss it in a letter or sit an empty chair in front of you and talk to it as though the person is present and sitting in the chair. Get it out and move on.

Do something symbolic. One of my clients had a bunch of dishes leftover from a relationship. The dishes represented the client’s anger at his mate for always taking the best and leaving him with the worst.

The mate had taken an expensive set of china and left my client with a set of dishes with little to no value. He had stored the dishes in the garage. He just could not let the dishes go. He had donated much of his former mate’s things to charity, but could not give the dishes away.

His assignment was to let go of the dishes and his anger at the mate. I told him to break every single dish and scream as he did so. He let go of much in this symbolic gesture and is healing.

Burning a picture of something you can no longer have is also a great symbolic gesture to rid yourself of the need to cling to what you cannot have. Do a drawing that represents your pain or rage. Write a letter allowing your anger to explode on the paper. Cut up the sheets you shared. Break his favorite mug. Then, let the symbol go. Recycle it, burn it, shred it, but get it out of your life.

If you put the energy of your pain in the symbol, and then release the symbol, you may release your pain. Please note that you must do these things in a safe way. Setting your house on fire is NOT a good way to rid yourself of a former mate.

You cannot move on if you are still obsessed with a mate or the thing you lost. Your message to the Universe is not one of healing and moving on, but one of continued pain and resentment at your loss. You are focused on the loss instead of all you may receive by letting go and moving forward with your life. When you are focused on the pain, you will receive more pain.

Often a client says that he cannot move on. I agree that he cannot when that is his perspective. Moving on is like any other thing in life that requires discipline. Think of things you have achieved through discipline and devotion to the goal. Are you great at exercising? Do you eat really healthy food? Do you walk your dog come rain or shine? Do you brush your teeth every day? Find something you do that requires dedication and apply that same dedication to your goal of letting go.

Start by focusing on moving on. Believe that you can move on from something that no longer serves you in a positive way. Know that if you move on, you will feel better and you will draw the things into your life that will easily and healthily fill the void you feel in your life. Filling this void with anger and pain or joy and new positive things is a literal choice you must make.

If you cannot let go and have tried everything you know, then go to a therapist. You need not see the therapist the rest of your life, but if you need help, get help. Do not suffer needlessly. Remember that you are strong and capable of choosing life over pain.

Choose something besides the thoughts and actions that will encourage your pain and feed your anger. When you are tempted to indulge yourself by looking at your former mate’s facebook page, go for a walk and listen to the birds singing. While on this walk you may find the most amazing man on earth. If you are downcast and feeling unlovable you will pass this man right by, even if he is smiling welcomingly at you. Start practicing happy. You will find that all else will follow your lead.

If you are interested in learning how to let go and feel that energy session may help, you may contact Maria at: ellobousa@yahoo.com

By Maria Etta Anabel

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