Dear Maria:
I have just come out. I’m 28 years old. I came out to my family, my friends and my co-workers. I regret telling anyone that I’m a fag. I never should have done it. They treat me like shit!
Everything has changed since I told people. My best friend from high school wont’ call me, facebook me or anything else. My co-workers always stop talking when I come up to them. They are talking about me for sure.
My family said they always knew and they are pretty cool, but my cousin is the same as my friend. I don’t fit in at work or in my life anymore. It sucks to be gay and I hate it.
Even my boss told me I should not have told anyone. Now I am working late shifts and I used to work early shifts? That is prejudice, but if I say anything, then it will make it worse.
Noone likes me
Dear NLMCIG:
I think it is you who does not like yourself. I think you must first accept that you are gay. I strongly recommend that you seek a therapist who specializes in and works with the gay community.
I think that you may be drawing people to you, as you always have, who are prejudice. You may have drawn them consciously or subconsciously because you wanted to appear straight by choosing straight, prejudice people.
You may be misinterpreting some of the things that are happening to you as you are defensive and uncomfortable. Sometimes people do not know how to respond because you do not accept yourself.
Your boss was wrong! You absolutely should report him. You may symbolically accept yourself by reporting his abuse.
Please get professional help. We all have issues in accepting ourselves. I had a girlfriend who wanted to be an actress, but she said that she lost every job because she had curly hair instead of straight. She hated her hair big time.
I think she went in to each audition with it in her head that she would never get the gig because of her curly hair, and I am sorry to say, she never did get a gig.
Find friends who are gay. Surrounding yourself with acceptance may help you to accept yourself. Get support. Feel the love. Some of us really dig fags.
Dear Maria:
I am a lesbian. I love my job, but recently, a co-worker told me that she overheard the manager and his supervisor talking about giving me a promotion.
It was between me and another girl, who is not a les. My friend said that the manager wanted to give me the job, but that the supervisor said no because I am gay. The other girl who has only been there a few months got the promotion. I have been there for two years and four months.
It is not just my opinion, everyone who works there and the customers, all say I am way better. She is late sometimes and she calls in sick more than me and she does not clean the main office after she finishes her shift. I am never late and I always clean up.
I spoke with the manager and asked him if he did not promote me because I am gay. He said that the supervisor made the decision. He would not say if it was because I am gay. All he said was that the supervisor said he thought the other girl was more suited to the job.
Discriminated Against
Dear DA:
This situation requires legal advice and I am not qualified. You should definitely speak with someone who can advise you legally. The legal system supports and protects the rights of the community. The laws are there for a reason.
My thoughts are that you could start a petition, or have your customers and co-workers give you written support. I would speak with the supervisor. Immediately after the conversation write down word for word every thing that is said. Be completely truthful. Take someone with you as a witness if you can. Again, I do not know the laws, so speak with someone who does first.
What I can tell you is that sometimes we are chosen, so to speak, to stand up for a group of people. A woman who is raped may feel the need to prosecute the rapist so that he can do no harm to anyone else. Martin Luther King paid the ultimate price for Equal Rights.
There are many heroes who have made life better for those who cannot speak for themselves. I am not suggesting that you must stand up. I am suggesting that perhaps, this situation has come into your life because you are a hero waiting to do your hero-stuff.
By: Maria Etta Anabel
You may contact Maria at ellobousa@yahoo.com