Sex and Communication

Sex and communication should go together like a lap dancer and a fifty dollar bill. They should be inseparable. You cannot have one without the other, at least not a good “one.”

Regardless of whether you are in a 20-year marriage or just met him at the club that night, tell him what you want! Tell him, show him, and do unto yourself as you would have him do unto you.

Sex without a little guidance can leave you almost there, but not quite and let’s face it, almost is no cigar if the big O was within reach. Leaving you panting for more is one thing, just leaving you panting is a whole different deal altogether. Satisfaction is ultra important when it comes to sex, no matter how you define fulfillment.

There are so many ways to communicate in bed. Your body speaks volumes, but it may still be necessary for a little verbalization. Say what you mean. Be succinct. No need for long speeches. I find it best when I use both verbal and physical. My mate knows my little moans like he knows my nipples, but he is also fluently bilingual whether I say, “no, harder, softer” with my mouth or with my hips.

Sometimes, though, it takes a straight up communiqué. No beating around the bush, so to speak. Tell your partner exactly what works for you. Do it to yourself and have him watch. Get her involved by putting her hand on yours. Be detailed and explicit. This is no time for prudence. Say it, do it and be very clear and direct.

NEVER ever criticize your mate. That is an O breaker if ever there was one. This is as good a rule in bed as out. Treating him nice 24/7/365 goes a long way in the “communication leads to great sex dance.”

Most lovers want to please their mates. It makes us feel good when our mate comes like a “mo fo.” Watching his contortions, reveling in her writhing ecstasy can be more of a turn-on than the sex itself. Fulfilling our lover is a great boost to our ego. Come on, admit, if you just gave your lover the biggest O of his life, don’t you walk just a little more silkily at work the next day?

Guys, you are probably even worse, I can tell a guy who is a great lover and has just pleased his boyfriend at 100 paces. After he has pleased his honey he smiles like he knows all the best secrets in the world, and he does.
You may need to converse well before you are in the middle of it. Changing course mid-stream can be frustrating, especially if you have been doing it one particular way for a long while. Be gentle with your words and your manner.

Use communication as part of the foreplay. Tell your tale in a sexy way. Be really clear. You want to try something different. Say it, loud and say it proud. Never be too shy to ask for what you want.

Keep trying. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Trying can be a lot of fun. Do not give up on her. When you give up on someone, they feel it and everybody involved loses not only sexual fulfillment, but ego satisfaction as well. Nothing hits a man harder than giving up on him, no not even a flaccid penis does more harm to his ego. Worse yet, feeling like his mate has given up on him can actually cause . . .yes, the aforementioned limp cock.

Remember, few of us jumped behind the wheel of the car the first time and became the Fast and Furious, although we very likely became just that the first time we had sex. Most of us needed a few lessons and a lot of hours in the parking lot to drive like Vin.

You went to college at least four years to learn your craft, so like most things that are done well in life, we may need practice and we may need a little education and experimentation to please our mate.

The best teacher is YOU. Learning and teaching requires patience and dedication, and sex, like everything else in life worth doing, requires both staying power and devotion.

If your mate shuts you out when you attempt to tell him what you need or if your wife rolls away when you suggest that you might want a little more friction, then it may be time for counseling. These issues are well beyond sexual problems. They may show up in bed, but watch your relationship carefully, and I guarantee, you will find other areas where she or he is just not available and connected. Remember, our sex lives are a micro of the macro of our relationship.

You may contact Maria at

By: Maria Etta Anabel