Me gustaría compartir con ustedes una historia verídica de cómo llegué a una posición de liderazgo en una organización global que acredita y desarrolla los estándares para la profesión de coaching. El coaching es un proceso desafiante que tiene como objetivo maximizar el potencial humano para alcanzar objetivos personales y profesionales. La ICF (International Coach Federation) es la asociación global de coaches, líder en el mundo entero con más de 15, 000 miembros en 90 países. Aunque me hice miembro de la ICF en el 2003, empecé a participar en el capítulo de la ICF de Los Angeles en el 2008.

En las primeras clases educativas que participé, tuve la impresión de que algunas sesiones eran muy buenas y otras muy aburridas. Pensé, que si ayudaba a traer buenos presentadores, podrían beneficiarse tanto mis colegas como yo mismo. Se me ocurrió ofrecerme como voluntario pero no tomé acción. A final de año, durante la conferencia internacional de la ICF en Montreal, me sentí parte de una organización realmente global. Estaba en una conferencia con 1,300 personas de más de 50 países.

Durante la conferencia se habló mucho de nuestro compromiso como coaches para hacer una diferencia a nivel global y alcanzar un mayor bienestar en la vida de las personas.

Al final de la conferencia sentí que necesitaba involucrarme más, que estaba comprometido con esa visión. Hubo un cambio. Me di cuenta que lo importante no era lo que la ICF me podía dar a mi pero como podía involucrarme en la ICF para participar de hacer el mundo un lugar mejor para todos. Al final de la conferencia me acerqué al Director de la Conferencia, Jeff, le di mi tarjeta, le indiqué que tenía experiencia organizando conferencias y me ofrecí para ayudar en la conferencia para el año siguiente. En Diciembre el Board de ICF Los Angeles votó y me aceptó como un nuevo miembro del Board, en el rol de Co-Director de Programas Educativos junto con Tara. En Febrero recibo un llamado de Denise, Directora de Educación de la ICF en el que me invita a participar en el steering committee para la conferencia de Orlando en Diciembre del 2009. Acepté gustosamente porque me pidió que me enfocara en el área de coaching y liderazgo que es uno de mis temas preferidos. Cuando terminé la llamada busque en el diccionario que significaba “steering”. Me pregunte: ¿En que me metí? Steering significa de cabecera, había aceptado formar parte del comité administrativo organizador de la conferencia!

Empecé mis dos roles de liderazgo con mucho entusiasmo, sin embargo a los dos meses estaba llamando al Presidente de ICF LA para presentar mi resignación. Esto no es para mí, le dije. No es lo que esperaba. Tara, mi co-chair de Educación, no contesta mis llamados, no hacía seguimiento de nuestro trabajo, yo no podía tomar decisiones, y estaba frustrado. Keith me escucha pacientemente y me dice: “te tengo confianza y te doy toda la autoridad para que hagas todo lo que tengas que hacer para que las reuniones educativas sean exitosas”. Me desafió a crear lo que necesitara para que la experiencia funcionara para mí. Acepté la invitación.

Por lo general, las reuniones mensuales del capítulo fueron muy exitosas pero hubo una que fue un verdadero desastre. El tema era el desarrollo de negocios de un coach y el salón estaba más lleno que nunca. Casi 100 personas. La presentadora resultó muy aburrida y no estaba bien preparada. Esta experiencia fue un poco humillante. Particularmente cuando miraba las caras de la gente durmiéndose y al final cuando una persona me pidió que le devolviera el pago por la sesión por estar desconforme con el programa. Esta experiencia me enseñó a ser más humilde y re significar mi experiencia como miembro que se quejaba el año anterior por la calidad de las presentaciones.

Te invito a que reflexiones sobre cómo criticas a tus colegas y amigos y si te tomas el tiempo para ponerte en sus zapatos. También aprendí que como líderes podemos equivocarnos y que no todo lo que hagamos va a salir bien. Pero que de todas maneras tenemos que poner toda nuestra pasión y compromiso. Saber que hicimos lo mejor que pudimos y estar preparados tanto para las victorias como para el rechazo. En lugares de liderazgo siempre vamos a encontrarmos con personas que nos aprecian y otras que no. En mi nuevo rol de Miembro de la Comisión Directiva Global de la ICF estoy disfrutando la oportunidad de hacer una diferencia el desarrollo de la profesión de coaching. Te invito que busques oportunidades de liderazgo en tu comunidad donde puedas aplicar tu pasión y compromiso para hacer una diferencia en tus comunidades.

Por Damian Goldvarg, Ph.D.

There are varying opinions as to the origin of Valentine’s Day. Some experts state that it originated from St. Valentine, a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity. He died on February 14, 269 A.D. Other aspects of the story say that Saint Valentine served as a priest at the temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius. Claudius then had Valentine jailed for defying him. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honor St. Valentine. Gradually, February 14 became the date for exchanging love messages and St. Valentine became the patron saint of lovers. The date was marked by sending poems and simple gifts such as flowers. There was often a social gathering or a ball.

However the day we celebrate as a day for lovers all around the world came about, its clear that what began as a day and a way to celebrate and honor a Christian martyr, is now by all accounts a huge commercialized event. And as I see men running to get flowers and chocolates at the last minute, like men on their last missions. I ask myself What’s Love Got To Do With It? Really, am serious it’s more a celebration of spending than a celebration of devotion. Retailers go crazy during this period enticing us, calling to our better selves to spend lavishly. Consumers are expected to express their own affection to the tune of $13.7 billion this year, up 22 percent from just five years ago, according to the National Retail Federation. Only Christmas and the back-to-school selling seasons create bigger revenues. That’s an amazing amount of money to spend on one single day to say such a simple thing that by all accounts should be expressed every day of the year to your loved ones, not just on Valentines Day. I’am not trying to be an old stick in the mood and bring anyone down, but I truly question the value the degree we say I love you to someone we might ordinarily ignore on an given day other wise.

The way we say I love you and how we spend our money on this day varies.

But despite the pressure to buy gifts, most of that money will be spent the way it has traditionally been spent, on tokens of affection — cards, candy, flowers and dinner out. For restaurants in particular, the holiday is second only to Mother’s Day with 35 percent of Americans expected to dine out with their loved ones as couples and families. As for those cards, according to Hallmark, half of the U.S. population celebrates Valentine’s Day by purchasing at least one greeting card. They anticipate 180 million valentines will be exchanged this year. Yet with a week economy in 2010, consumers may be looking for a cheaper way to tell their sweeties I love you. It seems even love cannot completely conquer a weak economy. However it’s necessary to remember that you can disappoint Aunt Maple over the holidays by not giving her a gift, but if you disappoint your significant other on Valentine’s Day, you’re going to be hearing about it every day for a long time.

One question I ask myself as well is do “gays” celebrate St. Valentines day with the same enthusiasm as their straight counter parts? Do we have adventurous sex- call your partner to come up to your office after hours and do the nasty on your desk (make sure the door is locked in case the cleaning people bust in on you) Do your own strip tease for your partner with some new sexy underwear you bought online, after all we do love to shop online don’t we? Buy a jar of chocolate paint and go Picasso on your lover’s body! (warning heating up the chocolate in microwave can genitalia).

However we celebrate the holiday I’am sure we put a bit more gusto into it than our straight brothers and sisters and with gay marriage and marriages on the rise, it will surely be a holiday one partner can make memorable to the other by doing so many naughty things that the general public would either not relate to or understand, but who cares, it’s your valentine, show him or her how you care in interesting and emotionally compelling ways. Different is good, we are different and we are good so celebrate despite my concerns about over commercialising the day.

So for the next four years of high school I was tormented with my love for this straight boy. I couldn’t tell him about my feelings because I felt I would either lose his friendship or he might beat me up. I mean I was a kid; I knew nothing about life. However he was the nicest, sweetest guy ever. That was part of the reason why I fell in love with him. Well I never told him my feelings for him and I eventually had to stop being friends with him until we graduated and went our separate ways. And to this day I’ll always wonder if it could have been between us. I mean you never know. He could have been gay himself he was just not out like me. I’ll never know. Well these are just the basics of this story but don’t worry if you want to hear the whole story in detail I am now working on the book of this life experience that shaped the rest of my life.

The only other two times that I have come close to being in love have also been with straight men when I was a gay boy. The second time was when I was doing community service in North Hollywood at an animal shelter. This cute, nice, Mexican man that worked there was just the nicest papi around and he treated me like a lady. By this time I was pretty much out of the closet as a young gay man but I was not flaunting it all over the place. I’m pretty sure he knew that I was a gay boy but it was just not spoken. He was just so nice and sweet with me that I almost fell in love with him. Too bad he was happily married to a woman. Nothing ever happened but not because I didn’t want it to. And the third time was in Hollywood when I was working as a sushi/cocktail waitress, a lot more fem by this time, at a straight club on Las Palmas Ave. There was this security guard who was so hot, sexy, and super nice to me. Well needless to say I almost fell in love with him. We were friends for a couple of years and since he was so nice and sweet with me I just had to almost fall in love with him. Well he had a girlfriend so again nothing ever happened but not because I didn’t want it to. Lol.

Well I don’t know what it was about me as a young gay man who was always falling in love with straight men? Some people would say that I fall for the impossible because deep down I don’t really want a relationship. Or maybe I just felt like a woman the whole time and falling in love with a straight man seemed the right thing to do. When I was a gay boy I never fell in love with another gay. I don’t know why? It just never happened. I think one of the reasons I fell for these straight men was because I met them at places where I used to have to be there with them for hours and befriend them and that’s how I got to know them and fall in love with them. Well now my ideal relationship would be to fall in love with someone I know as a friend first and then fall in love. So, here’s hoping.