A VIEW FROM THE BRIDGE: Notes from an Antiquated Queen
After a six-year absence, I recently moved back to the San Francisco Bay Area. And even though I kept in touch with most of my gay friends and acquaintances either via Facebook, text and, um… Grindr, reconnecting with many of those friendly faces has not been as easy.Luckily, someone sent me an invite to a Christmas party hosted by an organization called the “East Bay Gay Guys.”
Now, I realize this Christmas-related story is about two months late. But, guiirrrl, have you ever been at the “Returns Department” at Walmart? Of course you have. Anyways, I went to Walmart to return a few Christmas presents with the hopes to get the money instead. Unbeknown to me, the waiting lines to return items were so long that I literately had to set up a tent and camp out for a few weeks, and all so I could return those awful sweaters, which by the way, were nonrefundable itmes. But I digress.
Happily and with the hopes to meet new people, I attended the “East Bay Gay Guys Holiday Party.” And even thought the “party” was only a three-hour get together, I had a lot of fun. For starters, the event included men from all over the East Bay, some men from San Francisco, and others that came as far away as Sacramento. The party was hosted in a private house located in the hills, a house big enough to handle the more than 100 guests. It had a very long balcony with a perfect view of the entire bay and the San Francisco City skyline as a backdrop. It was the perfect place to fall in love or to find your next hookup, whichever came first. I’m still single in case you wonder.
The guests came from all walks of life and the ages ranged from mid-twenties to late fifties. Many of the men were in a relationship while the majority of them were either single or “available for….” You could tell the difference between one and the other because, the nametag with your name on it, had a red dotif you were single or “available for…” or a black dot if you were in a relationship. Guess which dot I put next to my nametag?
Aside from the eclectic amount of men, there were two great features at the party: a food buffet and an open bar. The food choices were incredible, despite the fact that most of them were “healthy choices.” I don’t mean to diminish the importance of healthy food but, guiirrl, at a Christmas party, you better give me barbecue ribs or some of those processed meatballs you can find in bulk at Costco, okaaay? Luckily the open bar had all sort of drink choices, from beer and wine to mix drinks and water. The best part was that the four bartenders were only wearing a jockstrap and a Santa hat, and I kept one of those hats.
I met a lot of people at this event, single and otherwise. I exchanged phone numbers with many of them, both single and otherwise, and I was even able to double-check the Grindr profiles of many of the attendees, single and otherwise. Guiirl, let me tell you, some of these men need to update their Grindr profile picture and stats ASAP because false advertising is punishable by law.
As an antiquated queen, I have to say thatthe “East Bay Gay Guys Holiday Party” was a real success, such a success that I decided to add my contact info to the mailing list. I hear gay bowling is going to be happening soon and I can’t wait to handle those big balls. I will also be able to use one of those ugly sweaters I was giving as a present by some of my relatives. No, sweetie-honey-baby-pussycat, I won’t be wearing the sweater, I will be using it as a cover seat at the bowling alley or I’ll use it to clean the balls, um, bowling balls. On second thought, I think I’ll take those ugly sweaters and all the clothes that don’t fit me anymore-Shut up! I didn’t say I was fat-and donate them to the homeless shelter. I’m sure they can make use of them.
Alright, enough for now. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas-yes, yes, I know I’m late; shut up! At least I’m thinking of you-and that your year started with a bang (hint, hint.) If you have any questions, suggestions, comments or complaints, be a dear and send them to the editors. I’m sure they’ll be happy to let me know about it.. Ta-ta dhalings!