To hormone or not to hormone?

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That is the question. For many of us in the trans community the question, sooner or later, arises. “Should I hormone myself or not?” Although for many gurls the answer is a definite yes, there are some of us who have to weigh in the pros and cons of such a big decision. There are many levels of transgenderism and I fall somewhere in between. Although I’ve never felt I was born in the wrong body, like some gurls do, I do identify with the female gender more than the male gender. I feel I was not born to be male, nor was I born to be female, I was born to be transgender, the new sex, if you will. But for me I look at myself from the inside out so for me gender is not much of an issue but since I have to live in todays society I must conform. Taking hormones for me is not a necesity but more of a practicality if I choose to take them. Of course I am not a medical professional so this article is based solely on my personal experience.

samara1I have been on and off Premarin, the little yellow pill, for about four years now. More off them than on them, actually. I started when I was in Miami buying them from a gurlfriend, illegally of course but now here in New York they have a doctor you can go to where you can be monitored while you take them. And it’s all mostly free. So let me tell you about the pros of being on them first. First off in order for you to be on them and have the best affects you must not drink alcohol or do drugs. But that’s a given. The best effect of course is the increase in your breasts. Everybody loves that. Your nipples enlarge and the size of your breasts increase. They have a very natural soft feel. Of course as they are growing you experience a soreness on your nipples due to the growth.

Your all over skin softens up like a baby. You can feel it on your legs, on your face, and even on your butt. Ha ha! Your face clears up nicely. Changes are very subtle but effective. There is a certain glow about you and your femininity. People begin to take notice. And as far as your body goes you begin to feel your ass and your hips filling in. They don’t necessarily get bigger but they sort of fill in what was not there before. You feel a certain sense of curve around your body.

But the changes that I did not see coming and no one ever really tells you about is how your mind begins to change. I mean you look at life differently. For example I get scared to walk alone at night on my own where as before I could walk alone anywhere at any time. There are changes that make you go, “wow this is how women think?” I really cannot explain in the context of this article but trust me your mind changes right along with your body. I guess this is where they start to match your feminine spirit. You know how they say mind, body, spirit. Well you begin to feel like a well rounded mind, body, and spirit of a woman. And also depending on where or how well adjusted you are in your life it can affect your mood. Its easy to fall into depression. So you better be in a good state of mind when you take the hormones.

And now for the cons. For me personally I don’t see this as a con but some may do. Your sex drive goes way down. I’m glad, finally I can give that a rest. Ha ha! Something I do consider a con is that your male member sometimes does not function properly. I guess depending on your stamina. But it is not as easy to get aroused down there. Your voice does not soften, I think we just start to train it ourselves to be more fem. Hormones do not reduce facial hair. And I already mentioned that if your not in a good state of mind to begin with it is easy to fall into a depression. Mood swings are a common thing as well. And of course hormones are potentially dangerous especially if you continue to drink alcohol or do drugs. So it’s better to do it through a physician’s care.

I cannot tell gurls to take them or not take them. Everyone has their own choice to make and their very own personal experience with them. You can bet everyone’s will be different. Well I’m back on them again and trying it out. For me its more of a change in lifestyle right now. I’m changing from a party gurl in the LGBT scene to that of a regular working person in the straight life so I want to look as good as possible and passable as possible to be able to function better in my society. Yes I live openly as a transgender but I just want to be the best representation of a transgender woman I can be in today’s society. So, may the best trans woman get the job. Wish me luck! And good luck to you too ladies in your decisions in taking or not taking hormones.

By: Samara Riviera

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