Page 23 - Adelante Magazine June 2022

and It made me stronger. I would be discriminated against and this community. But at the same time,
would never get to live out my dreams. it’s a little challenging when I see the
Adelante: How did you deal with judgement that happens inside our
the bullying? Did you get help? Adelante: What changed? community. It is judgement in relation
Were you out? Tony: After I came back from to topics like age, status, looks, race,
Tony: I didn’t want to be a victim, even Singapore, I was myself and more of etc. Sadly, older gay people are
as a kid. At some point, I pushed the person I wanted to be. I love who sometimes written off by younger
back. I remember having to stand up I am. I knew I had to tell my parents I LGBTQ people when it is because of
and defend myself in the fifth grade, was gay. They’re my best friends. My them and the fight they went through
and I did. My family always had my dad was so funny and told me he that we have the freedoms today that
back. They were my best friends, and
still are to this day.

Then I went to high school, and I
remember thinking I needed to get out
of my town and I thought if I did get out
of there, I could make something of
myself. So, after high school, I moved
to Los Angeles. I still was not really
‘out’ at that time. I eventually had the
opportunity to move to Singapore for
work. When I got to Singapore, I was
so far away and I decided to just live
as my true authentic self. I eventually
stopped hiding and came out of the
closet when I was 24.
Adelante: Did those experiences
influence your work and mission
today?
Tony: For sure. I want to be a voice
for the younger generation. I grew up
as a big brother with three little
brothers. But I myself didn’t have
anyone to talk to. I was not out and
struggled with my sexuality and kept it
a secret. I felt it was my curse, but now
I realize it’s my magic. So in light of
that experience, I thought if I can be
there for people who are just like I
was, I can perhaps help them and be
that big brother to talk to. So I started
a community project called My Gay
Big Brother. It is a show we do on
Instagram Live where people write to
us and we answer their questions on
the live feed in front of the public.
People write in questions, like maybe
someone is in the closet or is afraid of
a health issue like HIV and they may
not want to or have anyone to talk to,
so they write to the show.
When I was a kid, I felt so lost. I would always love me. My mom was we enjoy.
remember when I first had sex with a scared, not because I was gay, but
guy, I felt so scared. Back then all because she was fearful of how the Adelante: What types of questions
there was nothing being taught in world was going to treat me as a gay do you get at My Gay Big Brothers?
schools for LGBTQ youth about sex man. Now, she’s not so worried about Tony: We get questions and
education. It was tough as a young that because she sees that I’m ok. messages from families of gay people
person and I wish I would I would have She sees I’m proud and comfortable saying it would have been good to
known that you don’t have to be with myself and now she’s my biggest have something like this around when
scared, just be smart. I was scared to fan. they were younger. We did a Mother’s
come out as gay. For instance, I was Day show and an aunt of a gay man
scared I would lose my parent’s love. Adelante: “What are some of the wrote in. She told us her nephew
But there they were at the Mr. Gay biggest challenges that are in our committed suicide years ago because
World, USA contest routing for me. community? he was gay and she wished this type
Tony: Judgement. I think judging from of openness existed when he had
Adelante: What caused the fear the inside of our LGBTQ community is problems and that perhaps he could
about being gay? just as big a problem as those who have found people to talk to. That
Tony: I wanted to be an actor and I judge us from outside our community. might have saved his life. It was very
was afraid I was not going to get cast I love this community with all my heart emotional and even my mom got
or I would be out in a bubble. I thought and soul. I have so much respect for emotional when I read the message.

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