Embrace the past for a better future

By Jorge Diaz, MSW Clinical Social Worker

A new year and a time to reflect. Many of us make resolutions that we can’t keep. Maybe it’s the New Year’s hype that makes us make unreachable resolutions. Before you embark on the plans for the new year, reflect on the trials and tribulations of 2016. This is not the time to get stuck on what you should have done or should have been. The year is long gone. There are no mistakes in life-they‘re life experiences-we celebrate successes and setbacks and face the consequences of our decisions. It is time to reflect on what you want to do and not what you wanted to do.  Resolutions should be achievable especially if you want to reach them in 12 months. Many of us propose to find love and the ideal guy for 2017. Can we truly plan to find love? If so, what is your strategy? Is this resolution achievable?  I would advise you to analyze things differently.

What are you saying when you say you want to find love? Maybe it’s time to do a self-exploration and identify the barriers you faced when searching or falling in love. Are you ready for love or simply lonely and feel the need of companionship? Being lonely and thinking you’re ready for love is a completely different state of mind. Love will come one day with preparation and not a detailed plan. It doesn’t matter what amazing plan you if you’re not ready or willing to be in love or be loved.  Self-exploration of what you did and what can be changed might make you a healthier candidate for the next encounter with love.

Many relationships end due to jealousy or infidelity-a sad yet cruel reality. Are you the jealousy type, ask yourself, where does your jealousy stem from? Is it jealousy or insecurity? And then there’s infidelity. What are we saying about ourselves when we are unfaithful? Many of us are not ready for love even though it’s on the top of our resolution list. How can we love someone when we don’t even love ourselves? How can we give someone the best in life when we don’t even do that for ourselves?  Before we embark on the search for love, we should embark on the search of our own identity.

Unfortunately, many of us make finding love a new year’s resolution and we hope we find it by Valentine’s Day. Do you think you will find love in 44 days? Maybe you will be successful if you make the necessary changes in yourself to be a better candidate. The biggest mistake is going into a new relationship when carrying the burden of the previous one. We tend to believe that the new partner is responsible for healing our broken heart. The only one responsible for that is you.