Page 36 - Adelante Magazine March 2021

By: Mary Khon
A VIEW FROM THE BRIDGE
notes from an antiquated queen

NOSTALGIA FORZOSA

Itʼs now the year 2021 and Iʼve been spending crowds, and working from home, has given trying to figure out how, whoever came out
more time at home due to the pandemic. And me the opportunity to think about many things, with that conclusion, came to that conclusion.
since it is also winter time I tend to spend more For example the fact that I have made many We decided that it was my personality, which,
time reflecting on my life, what Iʼve done, what mistakes and I have burned a few bridges. I as I said before, it comes across as either
I wish I had done, and what I wish to do in the have been an immature individual, and “very funny” or “very off-putting.”
future. someone who was (is) not able to see “the
whole picture.” I know I am a very funny person and I also
As an antiquated queen, I spent a lot of time know I am a very off-putting guy. There is no
thinking of yesteryears and the fun I used to I know that many people like me. I also know doubt in mind about that. And why do I know
have when gay life was that “love that dare not that many people donʼt like me. I have one of that? Because my personality is funny, and it
speak its name.” I think of the days when I those personalities that you either like is also very direct. I donʼt go “around the
used to go to a bar (mostly straight bars) and because “sheʼs funny” or you dislike because bush.” I say things as I see them. I donʼt sugar
have drinks with friends while secretly flirting “sheʼs mean.” Iʼve been told that I am a “stuck coat my words. I donʼt have a filter when I
to a guy or two, sending cues that let us know up” person while also been told Iʼm “very speak. Correction. I have a filter, I simply
we were on the same team. When finally approachable.” I know that people have called chose not to use it. I have no patience for
having time to talk, still in a low voice in order me “very approachable” while others have people who just like to complain without
to not be heard, exchanging code like, “Do you advised people to “stay away from me.” purpose, and I definitely donʼt have time to
go to the same church as me?” or “I love The deal with people who try to play the victim for
Wizard of Oz, are you a friend of Dorothy?” One example I can give about this dichotomy everything.
Oh, those were the days… when I could be at is about something that happened a few years
a party and swiftly exchange glances with back. A theatre artist colleague and friend of Yes, I am very direct with my words and I
another men who would be holding his mine applied together for a “collaborative realized that for some people, such approach
girlfriend or wifeʼs hand, then minutes later we award.” And as the process to pick the feels like Iʼm attacking them. I am not. Iʼm just
would manage to talk about a possible awardees started, my colleague received a telling it like it is. The fox is a fox.
rendezvous, or simply go to the restrooms call from someone. They were asking my
and, well, you get the idea. colleague why would he want to collaborate For example, I know this article is about me,
with me when I am “a very difficult person to about what I think and feel. You may agree or
Today, we are more free to be who we are but, work with.” My colleague told them he was disagree with the fact that Iʼm writing about
honestly, I miss the excitement of sneaking very happy to have the opportunity to work myself. I really do not care (see off-putting) It
away and well…. That is the past. Maybe this with me. He didnʼt find me difficult and he is what it is. And that directness is what makes
still happens with younger generations and in really wanted the opportunity to collaborate others shutter.
places where being gay still is seen as a with me. We received 1/2 of the award and I
taboo, a sin, or a medical illness. Iʼm not am sure we got that part of the award because But really, this pandemic has me in pieces and
saying those days were the best, I mean, not of my colleague, not because of me. well, I just have to use this article to let some
at all, but despite the many disadvantages and steam out of my system. Stay safe queeridos,
the discrimination, those days were exciting During the time my colleague and I collabo- life is not as simple as we wish it could be.
and exhilarating. rated, and the collaboration lasted two years,
we discussed the perception about me being
Being stuck at home, trying to stay away from a “very difficult person to work with.” We were
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