A VIEW FROM THE BRIDGE: Notes of an Antiquated Queen           


By Mary Khon




Hello, Queeridos!

I hope you are doing fine because I am not. I think I’m going crazy. Whatever I took and happened to me the last time I was at the Power Exchange has really screwed with my psychic. Why do I say that? Well, because lately I’ve been thinking that each month of the year corresponds to a color. Can you believe that? I mean, I know people identify with colors but I’m using colors to identify months. You don’t believe me? Let me tell you.


This is the month of October and whenever someone says “October” the orange color pops into the front of my mind. I mean, I usually think of the deplorable man as orange but that has changed. Now orange equals October. Why do you think that is? Is it because corporate America uses orange to represent Halloween and this fun and mischievous holiday lands in October? What do you think?


You may say that it isn’t a big deal and I ordinarily would agree with you except that I do think of all the months in colors. You don’t believe me? Well, I think of November as brown, December as forest green, January as baby blue, February as red, March as black, April as pink, May as burgundy, June as multicolor, July as yellow, August as purple, and September as light green. I don’t know why that is but I do know that such phenomenon started to happen during this month.

A quick Google search gave me some hits on the fact that months are related to colors, but the colors are connected to birthstones. Such birthstones have a color, which identifies the month. Whoever came out with such classification had way too much time on her hands/his hands. My new wired obsession with colors and months doesn’t even match the birthstones and colors assigned by whoever decided such thing. So, I am going crazy trying to figure out why this is happening to me.


Should I go to see the doctor? And if I go, what am I going to tell him? “Hey, doc, I’m here because I recently started to identify each month of the year with a color, and the color doesn’t even match the birthstones’ colors of each month of the year. Please, doc, give me the medicine that will take this absurdity away.” I can see my doctor know, looking at me in shocked and ready to send me to the loony bin.


Do any of you have this problem? Had ever encounter this problem? Have ever felt that this was a problem? Am I the only one? See, question, after question after question, after question, obviously I’m going crazy.

Maybe I have been chosen to carry the colors of the world, the way Disney Films decided that Pocahontas was to deliver the “Colors of the Wind.” Wait, the wind has colors? I thought the wind was invisible. We feel it but we can never see it. Yet, Pocahontas was able to deliver the colors of the wind? Maybe she never delivered the colors; she decided to keep them and that is why we don’t see the wind because she kept the colors to herself! Oh, my god!


Or maybe my pairing of the months and colors is a side effect from eating too many bags of Skittles. After all, the commercials say, “Taste the Rainbow” so I went to Costco and bought not one, not two, not three, not four but 12 boxes of 24 Skittles packs each. Do you have any ideas how many colorful Skittles I ate since June? Oh, and speaking of June. June is Pride Month and the symbol of pride is the rainbow, and boy did I take advantage of pride month to explore the rainbow. So maybe now I am suffering from rainbowritis, which is the result of too much pride celebration and too many eaten Skittles.


Or maybe there is nothing wrong with me, and pairing the months of the years with different colors only means I am a very creative individual. But if this is true, shouldn’t this manifestation happen when I was younger? I mean, if this is an artistic side effect, I could have explore this marvelous discovery and, I don’t know become another Keith Haring or another Robert Mapplethorpe. No wait, I couldn’t become another Mapplethorpe because his art is black and white and I’m all about colors. Okay, maybe another Jesse Kassel, or Antonio Castellanos, or Félixd’Eon or another Abel Rodríguez. But since this manifestation happened now, that I’m older and non-creative, I guess I am going absolutely loca, my queer ones! So, please send immediate help! I am going to end up in the loony bin if I don’t get rid of this colored-induced paranoia!