Amor vida Eng May

A mother’s love, a mother’s rejection.
By Jorge Díaz, MSW Clinical Social Worker

The month of May is soon approaching…. While many prepare for Long Beach pride, many of our Latino brothers either celebrate Mother’s day, or this day reminds us of the cruel reality of not being loved and accepted by our mothers. It must be devastating to be rejected by the one person we are taught to believe will always love and care for us. But once they realize that their little boy is gay or bisexual, that bond between mother and son is broken. How can sexual identity break an important fountain of love and support? How can a mother, the woman we are taught to think will be loving and nurturing reject their own son? Why is it so difficult to accept who and how we love? Let’s be clear, we choose who we love, but don’t “choose” if we are born gay or straight. We choose our behaviors, but we don’t choose our sexual identity. It’s sad that many mothers actually believe that we choose “this lifestyle.” What lifestyle- the nightclubs, the hook up apps, the sex and drugs-that lifestyle? Being gay or bisexual is an identity and a journey of self-discovery-a journey and identity that we don’t choose. The gay lifestyle is one we must all define and create for ourselves. Who you are as a gay man should be defined by you and your life experiences.

As we approach Mother’s day, many Latino brothers will either be celebrating with their mothers or reminiscing the good times as a child with their mothers, or caught in a web of emotions because their mother is no longer in their lives due to the “choice of lifestyle” therefore, rejection became a feeling many of us are familiar with. If you have been rejected by your mother, I encourage you to find the strength and courage to overcome this painful experience. Please seek the appropriate help and gain the necessary tools to overcome and process one of the most painful rejections. How do we overcome this trauma? Can we? Know in your heart that your mother does love you but doesn’t understand you. Know in your heart that your mother does care for you but can’t show it. For those mothers whom have rejected their sons, I encourage you to rethink the choices you have made. I encourage you to challenge the religious and culture beliefs that dominate your train of thought and decisions. I invite you to educate yourself about our LGBT community. Analyze how your rejection impacts your son. Think about how much your love is needed in our growth. Your son needs you and you need him. Finally, I would like to thank my mother and all mothers for always loving and accepting us as their sons, whom happen to also identify as gay.