Palabra y Omisión

Love and Grindr

By: Eder Díaz Santillán

In 2013 I downloaded Grindr for the thousandth time. That app, I have download and delete many times a year since I first knew about it. In 2013 I was living in Las Vegas and since I didn’t know anyone, it was the first time I really downloaded it just to make friends. Sure, the hookups too – let’s not sin pretending otherwise, but I really needed to meet people to be able to go out to get distracted and get to know the city. In one of those I met a guy, he, handsome, great body, big package – in short, we had the typical chat: a brief greeting, exchange of photos, exchange of locations, the obligatory question, “Into?” And saz. At night everything was ready to meet. He entered the coffee place where we met, and I immediately said, “Wow, he looks better in person.” I think he also thought the same about me, modesty apart – and we began a talk that lasted almost 3 hours. At the end we just kissed each other, and everything agreed within the application (the fever) we just forgot that. We genuinely liked each other and for the next two months we became inseparable.

But there was something that never left my mind … I met him in Grindr! What a shame! (I mention it because we are from town, Catholic and gay and we never use those applications, right?) Anyway, I tried not to focus on that, and by February 14, the guy really surprised me. He had a chef friend who set aside the best table in his restaurant and prepared an amazing dinner for us. He rented a room in one of the boutique hotels on the Strip and filled it with candles … and even a bouquet of flowers was waiting for me. Whenever I remember it I smile … but then I remember whatan “asshole” I was and my smile goes away. I will explain what happened next. When we blow the candles, the room was filled with smoke, immediately, we wanted to start with the “hot play” and … before telling you the following I want to clarify that, although you might not believe me, we had been going out for two months and we still haven’t have sex. Now that it has been clarified, when I arrived to the hotel I knew that we were going to have sex that night, and I was super nervous – but … the smoke, that blessed smoke of almost 40 candles, I don’t know if that made him dizzy. The poor guy was so sorry, because he couldn’t even stand up, and “his friend” couldn’t either … stand up … if you know what I mean. Then, after 10 thousand apologies, we fell asleep and the next morning, being the fearful and coward guy that I am sometimes, I used everything as an excuse to tell him that I no longer wanted to go out with him. The guy who preferred to spend time with me for two months instead of having sex, the guy who was so splendid with me on every date, but especially on February 14 when he did everything he could to make me feel special, he could never convince me that there was nothing wrong with having met at Grindr.

I want to tell him this: Wherever you are, I wish from the bottom of my heart that you are happy, and it is good that you did not end with me, because at that time I did not deserve you. At that time, for me, it was more important what people could say… that weighed more than all the attentions from that nice guy. To you that are reading my column, I tell you this: take care, because there’s people who like to play with people, and they are not only in the applications, they are also in the bars, they are friends of our friends, they work with us, they go out with our friends and then they want to pull down our pants when they are drunk – the point is that they are everywhere. But do not limit yourself, explore, live, know guys, and if you find someone special who prefers to talk with you for 3 hours instead of hooking up, live it intensely and let yourself be loved and allow yourself to love too.

And if all you want is a hookup – let it be clear – there is nothing wrong with two adults agreeing to have a good time. Don’t be ashamed of that. I have done it many times, and yes, I say it with pride and without shame now, because those have been my decisions and I have had a great time.