Page 15 - Adelante Magazine February 2025

sponses, everything from, "Wow! crecy to it. But I think it depends
Your dad was a spy! That's so on the person and the family.
cool!" to people giving me chilling
looks and shunning me. My dad I recently did a speaking event
was either a hero or a villain. with former senior CIA officer
Marc Polymeropoulos, a Greek
A couple of years ago, I was part American. He seemed to have
of a podcast featuring Stewart been able to have a family in a
Copeland, the drummer for the healthy way despite the danger
'80s band The Police, whose and secrecy of his work. He also
[American] dad was in the CIA. has a lesbian daughter and so he
The producers wanted a counter- understands the importance of
point to Copeland's point of view, living an open life. So I think it de-
which was pretty favorable. It pends.
was difficult to be the daughter of
a spy and I struggled with the po- I often think of people in the
litical and human implications of armed services who serve multi-
what the CIA did and does in the ple tours in war zones as having
world. jobs that are just as difficult and
dangerous as intelligence work.
I know a lot of children of spies So I think it would be similarly
now and most have responded hard to grow up in a family where
really positively to the book. I the parent is in the military. But
think there has been a sense that the secrecy does set intelligence
I've sort of voiced things that are work apart. It adds a dimension
hard to say out loud. There's still of repression.
so much secrecy. It's part of our
DNA. We feel like we have to I think the key is to have a family
protect our spy parents so it can culture of openness and listen-
be hard to give ourselves permis- ing. My parents grew up in the
sion to tell our stories. 50s which wasn't known for its
openness or focus on feelings. I
And like all groups, we are varied think American society has
in our views and experiences. changed since then. Marc tells
Some are 100% believers in me that the agency has made
what their parents did, whether some shifts in this regard as well,
they know what that is or not, and and that there is more support for
some are more critical. I know families now.
spy daughters who are probably
more critical than I am. What are you working on now?
I write for Ms. magazine, where I
We would also likely agree that focus on the political and social
being a spy wasn't like the excit- challenges women currently face
ing Hollywood image of sexy cars here and around the world. I
and high-tech gadgets. My dad wrote about the misogyny
often talked about how tedious it Korean women have battled and
could be. I try to make space for the wins they've achieved, and
all of the experiences someone the #MMIW movement that gives
dealt with in terms of growing up voice to the thousands of indige-
the child of a spy. nous women who have been
murdered or gone missing in this
Given the negative impact your country.
father's work had on your
family, especially on your But my newest memoir project is
mother —who had a nervous going to be about being an open
breakdown while he was in water swimmer in the San Fran-
Vietnam and died of cancer a cisco Bay. I want to share the ex-
few years later — would you perience of not wearing a wet suit
urge others to not work for the and swimming in the cold, wild
CIA? water, and how doing this sort of
There are lots of dangerous jobs; extreme thing helped me get
firefighters, soldiers, EMT re- through some recent traumas.
sponders, cops. I feel like work- The waves healed me. They still
ing a dangerous job like do. But I had to let go into them,
intelligence work, a job that you too.
can't be open about with others,
is extra difficult. Speaking per- 'Spy Daughter, Queer Girl: In
sonally, having gone through the Search of Truth and Acceptance
difficult journey of coming to in a Family of Secrets' by Leslie
terms with having a dad in the Absher, Latah Books, $29.95
CIA, I myself can't really see en- hardcover. www.latahbooks.com
dorsing it or recommending it to www.leslieabsher.com
anyone. Life is challenging
enough without adding all the se-